To Have and to Hold
by vegetakitten
Summary: This is Hawkeye/Havoc with a little Mustang. Havoc slowly comes to realize he's in love, but will the Colonel steal her first?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** Fine art, this isn't. I do not own rights to Fullmetal Alchemist, Hiromu Arakawa does. I am only borrowing the characters for a bit.

romance/angst, Havoc/Hawkeye/Mustang K+ (animeverse)

To Have and to Hold: Prologue

The first time I saw her was when I first entered the office of my new commanding officer. The Colonel hadn't arrived yet and she was standing at ease, just waiting. I wanted to greet her informally, but her austere appearance gave me pause. I had heard that she was one of the best snipers in the military, if not the absolute best, and also that she had been known to use her gun to assist in disciplining her subordinates.  
I admit, I was a little awed by the Lieutenant at first, but I grew to understand that she might shoot at you, but she would never actually shoot you. Shots were close, but never hit no matter how much the target moved or didn't move. At first, I thought the stories of her prowess with a gun were overstated, but once I thought about it, nobody could be that bad a shot at close range with a still target. It also occured to me that moving target at close range should have been hit repeatedly as well, but she had never hit anyone. Not once.  
That's when I realized how amazing she was.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** Fine art, this isn't. I do not own rights to Fullmetal Alchemist, Hiromu Arakawa does. I am only borrowing the characters for a bit.

romance/angst, Havoc/Hawkeye/Mustang K+ (animeverse)

To Have and To Hold Chapter 1

"Dammit!" I swore, setting the phone down. I hung my head a little and, not for the first time, regretted introducing Colonel Mustang to my girlfriend. I don't know why I did it. I guess I just hoped he wouldn't steal this one. Shows what I know.

I looked up to find the lieutenant watching me. She's attempting to glare, probably because I had just received a personal call on business time, but there's something else in her eyes. Curiosity, maybe? The emotion was gone almost as soon as I saw it. Oh well, at least _someone's_ entertained by my situation.

"Second Lieutenant." I jumped when she addressed me. I must have been zoning out because she seemed pretty annoyed. How many times had she called me?

I looked at her before replying, "yes sir?" Oops, I cringe, waiting for the barrage. When it doesn't come, I opened my eyes cautiously. I'm never sure what to call my female superior officers because each one reacts differently. I hadn't heard a click, so I figured I was safe.

I heard her say my name and I brought my eyes up to meet hers. I must have zoned out again, and I must have been staring at her. It took me a moment, but I finally realized she was asking me what the problem was. She knew, of course, but it was kind of her to ask anyway. Mustang's done this plenty of times before.  
"I lost another girl." I replied. Damn, did I sound dejected? I hoped she didn't notice. I don't want her pitying me, even if I do feel a little hopeless.

She just nodded and did something I never would have expected her to do. She placed her hand on my shoulder. A gesture of comfort from a woman who seemed, outwardly, to show no emotion. I was stunned and grateful.

She seemed hesitant and I got the feeling that she wasn't used to providing this kind of support. I made sure to smile at her to show her I appreciated the gesture.  
"The Colonel..." she began, removing her had from my shoulder. She looked awkward, not sure how to continue, but I understood what she was trying to say. She started again. "I'm sure he doesn't mean to hurt you. He's just..."

"A jerk." I supplied for her. The bitterness in my voice must have been apparent because she looked shocked. I waited, expecting her to reprimand me for insubordination, but she didn't.  
When she recovered from her shock, she surprised me again when she laughed. A genuine laugh. I stared at her unable to tear my eyes away from the site. She's beautiful when she laughs. I don't think anyone in the office besides Mustang has ever seen her laugh. I felt privileged and I couldn't help the grin plastered across my face. I leaned back in my chair to watch her.

She must have noticed I was staring at her again because she suddenly looked uncomfortable. She looked away and I caught a glimpse of a slight flush on her usually pale cheeks. Was she blushing? It was the first time I've seen her do anything that might be considered unprofessional. She's never lost her cool, not once.  
I smile wider at her and laugh to myself. I'm feeling nervous all of a sudden. "Thank you." I blurt out. She glanced at me and whispered, "you're welcome."

* * *

He did it again. Another girl gone and I didn't even introduce this one to him. Riza had advised me not to.  
They met at the market of all places. Right next to the strawberries, according to her. I sigh and hang my head, my cigarette hanging loosely from my mouth.  
When my lunch break arrives, I head out to sit on the steps in front of HQ. It isn't long before she joins me. She's worried, I can tell. We had started talking and hanging out together since the office call break up.

I'm still amazed that she would want to become friends with me, but I'm grateful for her support and I would follow her to the end of the world if it meant I could stay beside her and protect her.  
She smiled at me. I felt a little warm.  
I love it when she smiles at me because I know she doesn't smile for anyone else, except maybe the Colonel. Too bad she only does it when we're not in the office because it'd blow the pants right off the guys.

"Why are you out here?" She asked.  
"Just thinking." I reply. "Why is it that every time I find a perfect girl, she seems to somehow meet the Colonel and fall instantly in love? Is it me?"

"There's nothing wrong with you!" She scolds. Her voice both determined and concerned. "The Colonel's just a little...enthusiastic...when it comes to beautiful women." I don't miss her emphasis on 'enthusiastic.' I snort at her choice of words. He's enthusiastic about all women.

I look to her and say, " Maes is right. I wish he'd hurry up and find a wife so that I have a shot at finding one or at least keeping a girlfriend for longer than three weeks."

She laughs in response, but I can tell that my statement has unsettled her. I'm not sure what her feelings are for the Colonel, but I can feel my heart sinking at the thought that she might be in love with him.  
I'm relieved when she changes the subject. "Maybe we should go have dinner, just to cheer you up." I blink and it takes me a few seconds to register what she's saying. I was too busy watching her beautiful mouth to completely hear what she's saying. "Yeah, sure." I answer absently, still watching her and hoping fervently that she hasn't noticed.

"Great!" She says. She looks so happy. Did I do that? Make her happy? "Saturday?" I ask.  
"It's a date!" she says. She's actually beaming. I smile back at her. I'm trying to be conservative, but I'm always fascinated when she drops her guard and just lets herself be free.  
A date? I'm sure she didn't mean it that way. Did she? I feel warm and I really want to hold her, even if it's for only a second, but break is up and it'll look fishy if I'm seen hugging a superior officer. Besides, she awful fast and I'd definitely be dancing for stepping out of line.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** Fullmetal Alchemist belongs to the brilliant Hiromu Arakawa

Dinner turned out to be great. I picked her up around 8 and she looked amazing. She was wearing a deep blue dress accented with silver around the hem, which fell to mid-calf, and shoulder straps. I couldn't help myself, I looked her up and down a few times without her pulling the gun I knew was nestled in her handbag.

She smiled enthusiastically at me, "do you like the dress?" She asked, a slight blush on her alabaster cheeks. She must have noticed.

"You look great," I remarked carefully. This was unfamiliar territory. I studied her face. Did she look a little disappointed?

It must have been my imagination because she smiled at me and reminded me subtly that we should be going.

Laughing with her I offered her my arm and we headed out into the cool summer night.

I chose to drive only as far as the central park. The restaurant wasn't far and the night was too lovely to waste. Hopeless romantic that I am, I was also attempting to lengthen the time I had with Riza.

She was enthusiastic about the walk, which bolstered my confidence for the night. I was out with my very best friend, who looked so incredibly beautiful all of the the time, but even more so tonight.

By the time we reached the restaurant, the Corazone, it was crowded and I was glad that I'd made reservations. I knew that the Colonel frequently took his many girlfriends there and through him I knew it to be an excellent date place, well friends out on the town place anyway.

We were seated immediately and, as she and I took our seats, I spotted the Colonel with his newest girl, a young looking tall brunette. I could see the appeal, but she couldn't hold a candle to the woman sitting across from me.

We ate our dinner, talking and laughing. I felt like I was enjoying her company too much. I'm certain that, because of the way she angled her body toward me, that others in the restaurant would never have guessed that we weren't a couple.

"Thank you, I had a lot of fun tonight," she said as we walked back to the car. She looked so relaxed, her eyes half-lidded as she looked to the starry sky. Turning to look at me, she asked if I was feeling better. She'd seen the Colonel too. I smiled at her. I was genuinely fine and so peaceful feeling. Secretly, I don't think seeing the colonel bothered me because he was with a girl who was not my most recent ex. I know its vindictive of me, but I felt rather pleased that she was apparently dumped or, at least, bumped to a lower position on his date list.

Riza laughed when I told her my thoughts, shaking her head as she got in the car.

* * *

She was her normal aloof self the next day. It wasn't anymore than I had expected, after all, Riza and I had just gone out as friends. Right? Of course right, I scolded myself. Just friends, I thought and I felt a little heavy.

I let my mind wander as I slogged through my paperwork. The Colonel was in a sour mood for some reason, didn't his date go well? Usually, he was fine. I mulled this over until I realized that it was time for end of the month paperwork. He wouldn't be in such a fowl mood if he did his work on time, but it took an armed first Lieutenant and a threat to get him moving.

I looked up at Riza as she appeared to tower over the Colonel, her expression serious and her attention focused on the pen Mustang was holding. I chuckled a little as Mustang shot a glance at Riza out of the corner of his eye. She glared harder and he quickly returned to work.

I loved that she had no fear of using her many gifts to influence those around her, even if the Colonel could technically report her.

'Damn,' I thought. I think I'm falling for her.

* * *

**A/N**: I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I'll write more in the near future.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** Fullmetal Alchemist belongs to Hiromu Arakawa

**To Have and to Hold Chapter 4**

I was trying to watch my commanding officer discreetly. He was on about mini-skirts again, and Riza looked like she'd like draw her weapon. I mean she was not just angry, she was livid. I could tell by the way the corner of her mouth was twitching and her body was ramrod straight. Mustang should have seen the signs, but he was just too absorbed in his fantasy, which normally is interesting to all of us except Riza. She hated it when mustang spoke about mini-skirts as new uniforms for women.

I don't think she'd told anyone else how much it irritated her. I saw the signs today and the gun was almost a given as Mustang continued to dig his grave.

When she finally snapped I knew immediately that I never wanted to be on her bad side. I had never seen her so angry. She actually shouted at Mustang after asking for permission to speak freely. Mustang looked like someone had dropped a house on him, His jaw hung open slightly during her tirade and he seemed incapable of any kind of movement. That was probably a blessing in disguise, I was doubtful that the Colonel would survive if he so much as twitched.

When she was finished I had to smile because the whole room was deathly quiet. I figured that,since She wasn't angry with me, I would go and see if she was ok. I didn't want Mustang to ruin what had started as a beautiful day.

Standing up, I made the excuse that I needed to take a break and I headed out to find my friend. Mustang apparently had the same idea, as I saw him wandering the halls looking for something, or someone, probably Riza. He might not know where she is, but I did. I knew she wasn't inside the building anymore, she'd gone to the place we often met for lunch. It was her favorite place in all of central. I felt flattered that I was the only other one who knew about it. I had to be or Mustang would have found her by now.

Glancing around to make sure I wasn't followed, I inched toward one of the rear exits to the gardens and slipped outside.

I found her underneath the shade of a poplar tree viciously tearing at the grass, lost in her thoughts. She wasn't even aware of my presence, which was unusual. She always was so aware of her surroundings, Mustang must have really gotten to her. The bastard. He knew she hated his sexist talk and still he did it.

"You deserve an apology." I said quietly, pulling out a cigarette. I stood a short distance away from her in case she wanted me to leave her alone. She gasped and jumped fumbling for her weapon. "Whoa," I said. "Its just me."

"Jean! I'm glad its you." She looked genuinely relieved. I was relieved too. She hadn't shot at me and she looked happy to see me. Two reasons for me to join her. For every time she lets me in, I keep hoping that we could be more than friends. Riza looked over at me with her wise golden eyes; I wondered whether she was onto my little crush on her.

"The Colonel was out of line," I said. "Will you report him?" I asked.

"No, I swore to protect him and to stay at his side. He can just be so frustrating." My insides fell at the thought that she had sworn to protect him. This was the first I heard of it. Mustang wasn't on track to win her heart as far as I knew but that wouldn't matter much if he already had it.

* * *

**Mustang**

'Damn,' I had hoped that I would be the only one who was looking for her, but Havoc beat me there. I checked her favorite spot last because I thought it was too obvious. I guess I should have looked there first. I straightened my uniform feeling a little disgruntled. She shared her secrets with Havoc? Were they seeing each other or was last night a fluke.

The moment I saw her in the restaurant, I thought her the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. Of course, I always think she's beautiful, but she had a glow about her then. And then I saw who she was with. I have to admit, I was a bit jealous or is it envious. I know I've never asked her to dinner or anything, but I thought she understood that I loved her.

In the restaurant, she was wearing a shaw to cover what I knew was tattooed on her back. I wondered idly if she had shown him. I guessed not or she wouldn't have gone to such great lengths to hide it from him and everyone else in the restaurant. Of course, there is the possibility that he had seen it and she was only hiding it from the crowd. That thought made me want to ignite something, well ignite Havoc anyway. He's a good guy, but I'd hate to think he'd seen it. I mean, she'd have to be half naked for the full effect, which only served to piss me off further.

'Calm down,' I thought, taking a deep breath. It could be nothing. They could just be friends. I hoped they were just friends. I have to find some way to remind her that I love her. That's all. Piece of cake, right? I looked around the corner into the garden wishing I knew what they were talking about that was making her smile like she'd never smiled before.

I growled. I hated watching this, and I hated seeing him get her to let her defenses down. I loved her, I had loved her for years. Had she forgotten or was it my fault? I'd loved her since I was barely 16 and apprenticed to her father to learn the alchemy of fire for which he was famous. When I turned 18, I joined the military to become a state alchemist. My teacher wasn't happy, but he was dying and he knew it. He told me that his daughter would show me what I needed to know. Riza showed me alright. I nearly passed out when she started unbuttoning her shirt. She'd turned to face away from me, removing every barrier that blocked the tattoo on her back. Pulling her hair aside she crossed her arms uncomfortably in front of herself.

My first reaction was anger. How could he have done this to his own daughter? The tattoo was intricate and had to have been painful, but it contained the knowledge I needed. Slowly, though, I became curious and I asked her to lie down on her stomach while I studied the marks on her back. She'd become less nervous over time, as I ran my hands over her back, studying her as well as the tattoo that would teach me alchemy with fire.

I shook off the memory, it only bothered me worse to see her with him. I decided that I'd better do what I can to remind her. I had planned on marrying her someday, I needed to stop and try to see her as much as possible. Alone.


End file.
